7mmmountaineer
Member
Time to face it I am a workaholic............
Posts: 521 
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Post by 7mmmountaineer on Apr 22, 2015 18:48:42 GMT -5
IT'S BEEN JUST OVER 2 WEEKS AND STILL I CAN NOT FORCE MY SELF TO ADMIT SHE IS GONE. April has been a tough month for me. April 7th at 1:52am while I held her hand my mother passed after a short illness. It was not unexpected as she basically quit living on Dec 25th, 08 when my dad passed away. It's been tough as I have spent a lot more time than think I should have focused on my job and in my mind not enough on my family, friends and living life. I did see my mom several times a week for at least hour or so each visit but it doesn't seem like I did enough to make sure she know she is loved by me. Funny thing is she lived with my younger sister and her husband and they keep telling me I did more than they could have or would have asked of me and yet I still feel it wasn't enough. Then it dawned on me her older 2 children one here about an hour away and one in Mississippi have done nothing for her in all the time I have lived here except think they could do a better job taking care of her than was done. Yet they decided because they were the older children they would take charge after she passed which didn't go over very well. So now as I type this I am looking at the bill for her funeral and contemplating sending the bill to the older children even though I know this will fall to my younger sister and I.
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Post by hacker54 on Apr 22, 2015 19:04:36 GMT -5
Chuck,
So sorry for your loss. When my mother-in-law passed I was there along with the wife and her family and I was with my mom when she passed. I miss both dearly! My mom passed a week after my wife's one brother pass from a long illness. That was one hard month to go through. Prayers with you my friend as you pull through this.
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bob
Member
I'm too old to be nice but never too old to learn!
Posts: 1,457
Location: Northern California
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Post by bob on Apr 22, 2015 19:42:55 GMT -5
Chuck: I am truly sorry for your loss. Sounds as though you were the best son she could possibly have. You have been through enough recently! Bob
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poohzilla
Member
Give me a place to stand and a long-enough lever, and I will invariably break the lever.
Posts: 1,050
Location: New Hamster
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Post by poohzilla on Apr 22, 2015 19:52:43 GMT -5
Chuck, my thoughts and prayers are with you. You and your sister stay positive. I got the last generation buried a couple of years back, and felt fortunate that my family, without fail, was prepared to lead, follow, or get out of the way. I realize just how lucky I was.
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jbnut
Member
Posts: 169
Location: Warren, Pennsylvania
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Post by jbnut on Apr 22, 2015 20:37:29 GMT -5
Chuck, I'm very sorry for your loss. It sounds like you took time to spend with her when she needed you most and I'm sure it meant a lot to her. Keep looking up. My thoughts & Prayers are with you.
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SnapShot
Member
Jeep & Mocha "Remembering Patches, always"
Posts: 699
Location: Finally free from the Republic of Kalifornia!
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Post by SnapShot on Apr 23, 2015 10:08:05 GMT -5
So sorry to hear of your loss. The past 2 years have brought my wife and I through this same valley (my Day 2 years ago and her mom last year). We know what you are going through and our prayers are with you.
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gws
Member
Posts: 969
Location: NW New Mexico
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Post by gws on Apr 23, 2015 16:11:06 GMT -5
7mmmountaineer: I haven't been on line for a while so I just saw your thread. I feel for you. I went through this too. My Mom 8 years ago.....Dad a year ago last Dec. 15. Mom was taken care of my my sisters mostly, as they had to do everything for her for her last six months....everything. I visited and supported when I could.
For Dad, my sister handled breakfast, and some evening meals, I handled the rest of his care. I had to be there every hour or so for the personal stuff, so I guess that made me the major care giver. We are a close family. The fact that some of my siblings did less for dad, was a matter than went from convenience to complete impracticability. Time and/or distance constraints caused that....I lived a block away.....am in partnership with a brother who mostly ran the company himself while I cared for Dad.
We had a family meeting a month after Dad passed. Today everything is paid for and settled.....everybody is happy.....the family is still close. No I don't feel everyone did all they could or should of, but then again I don't know what their circumstances were either.....not going to judge....not going to cause a divide... I'm happy with what is.
I understand your feelings, but, the one thing your Mom doesn't want, is to see your family come apart due to her death. Don't do her the disservice of alienating your siblings, as you will all meet again on the other side. Make it a wonderful experience without regrets. That said, do write a common letter to all, with all the estate, funeral, and burial information, and suggest a family meeting to discuss it. Most will want to do the right thing, and help, as long as they aren't made to think they are already black spots in the family....some may not be able to do anything....count your blessings that you don't have their circumstances.
Above all, thank your sister who was major care giver for all she did. Best wishes to you and your family. Just know your Mom is having the reunion of a lifetime with her family who passed before. But we who remain in this mortal world deal with a great loss. Sorry for your loss. It does get better.
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Post by krwada on Apr 24, 2015 13:33:39 GMT -5
I am very sorry to hear of your loss.
My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family.
Ken
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Post by erjdriver on Apr 26, 2015 18:35:12 GMT -5
I haven't been online in a while either and just saw this. My sincere condolences to you and your family, Chuck. May God give you peace and comfort through your difficult time.....God bless!
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7mmmountaineer
Member
Time to face it I am a workaholic............
Posts: 521
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Post by 7mmmountaineer on Apr 27, 2015 19:32:38 GMT -5
GWS that's just it the older children have always felt it was them against my younger sister and I. Which never made any type of sense to me ever. We were never the closest family but we always tried to be civil when it came to family matters for this very reason. Now that all is said and done with my younger sister and I taking care of it just so that it wasn't left hanging out their. I plan to have a conversation with the older children they won't like what I have to say but I will say it anyway. My mother had known about the rift between me and the older children for a very long time. Now my younger sister has finally gotten to see what they are really like as human beings.
As for the black spot or sheep in the family that has always been me. I was always the one that went my own way and did my own thing from the time I was just a kid. Their for I still have the honor of the black sheep only difference is now my younger sister has joined me as the dark gray sheep.
As for their situations my mothers oldest son he manages a string of 7 eating establishments and makes nice coin the older daughter is just to lazy to work so the state supports her meaning me. It didn't benefit them to help out so they refused to help is what it has boiled down to.
The one thing that came out of this that truly matters to me is the relationship between my younger sister and I has become so much stronger because of what we did for my mother. |
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bob
Member
I'm too old to be nice but never too old to learn!
Posts: 1,457
Location: Northern California
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Post by bob on Apr 27, 2015 22:21:35 GMT -5
Chuck; I'm very sorry about your family issues, they are not all that uncommon. On a positive note, even the darkest cloud can have a silver lining! I am very happy for you and your sister!  |
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hal8337
Member
Posts: 89
Location: Livonia, Louisiana
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Post by hal8337 on Apr 28, 2015 7:13:12 GMT -5
7mmmountaineer I know what you are going thru as my mother passed away exactly 2 weeks ago. We have a close family but as Bob stated when situations as these happen even the closest family's have problems. My only intentions for the next weeks, months,years is keep my mother in my prayer's and think of her & my dad (passed years ago) and not get caught up in family squabble's. Joyce Myer a TV evangelist said just the other day that we must resist the devil not assist him.
I am sorry about your loss.
Hal |
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poohzilla
Member
Give me a place to stand and a long-enough lever, and I will invariably break the lever.
Posts: 1,050
Location: New Hamster
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Post by poohzilla on Apr 28, 2015 7:33:50 GMT -5
Hal, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family, as well.
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Post by hacker54 on Apr 28, 2015 13:25:13 GMT -5
Hal,
Sorry for your lose. Prayers with you and your family.
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bob
Member
I'm too old to be nice but never too old to learn!
Posts: 1,457
Location: Northern California
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Post by bob on Apr 28, 2015 15:12:21 GMT -5
Hal: I'm very sorry for loss as well. This seems to happen all too often at my stage in life.
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7mmmountaineer
Member
Time to face it I am a workaholic............
Posts: 521
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Post by 7mmmountaineer on Apr 28, 2015 17:15:00 GMT -5
Hal I am truly sorry for your loss and will add you and yours t my thoughts and prayers. I am the only member of the entire family to include kids, grand kids and great grand kids not to get a trinket from either of my parents. I didn't feel the need I have all I wanted in my memories of both of them and very little can take that away.
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hal8337
Member
Posts: 89
Location: Livonia, Louisiana
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Post by hal8337 on Apr 29, 2015 6:58:43 GMT -5
I would like to thank all of you for your thoughts and prayers.
Hal |
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My daughter came from Missouri, my son and grand son, my wife and I had a nice dinner of grilled "porter house" pork chops, corn on the cobb, my son, G'son and I share 10/5. G'son is 4 minutes early though @ 10/4.
Pooh I hope you find to right house . 
